The Space Between — Exploring the Nuances of a Connection
At our virtual experiences at humhum, we don’t swipe. Not only don’t we swipe, we are not deciding yes or no about a person when we connect — instead, we are invited to explore the nuanced energy between ourselves and another to inform our intentions for further connection. It’s not about the person, it’s about the space between you and another person that you’re examining. This way, whether we align with the other person in our intentions or not, the outcome feels less personal, because it isn’t personal.
As you navigate your new connections, at humhum or in life, instead of deciding if you like or dislike a person, or if you want to date them or not, see what you notice about the connection itself. Does it feel complete or incomplete?
Experiencing a Complete Connection
If the connection feels complete, which is how we feel with most people we encounter, it resolves in the here and now. It doesn’t mean we didn’t like them, or appreciate the experience, it simply felt complete. If you think about pre-pandemic times, attending a party of a friend of a friend, and having several beautiful exchanges with different people throughout the event, you’ll likely only walk away wanting to keep in touch with one or two if any. Why then do we expect our virtual dating experience to be any different? YEs, we are interacting with a broader pool of “available” people, however most often it’s not because someone is unavailable that we don’t end up keeping in touch, but because the connection feels complete and so we can release it with ease. Instead we’ve gotten into the habit of feeling secure with more options — amassing numbers and contacts, and then not actually following up with or building relationships with them leaving us feeling frustrated, tired, guilty, and unsatisfied. Read our Guide to Not Ghost for more on this.
Experiencing an Incomplete Connection
If a connection feels incomplete, there are flavors of experience to become aware of in the incompleteness — there is something more we feel inclined to explore. Perhaps a heightened curiosity, a vibe or energy present in the space between two people, that is unresolved. This can take on a platonic tone in the moment or feel “friendly,” and it can also feel intriguing, perhaps more than friendly where attraction or chemistry is present. It isn’t often clear if this chemistry means anything more than “this connection wants to be explored further,” and so releasing any ideas about what it is, or isn’t, or what it could be is helpful to invite a natural curiosity and willingness to remain open to the space between you both.
In the case of a complete connection, we can practice these capacities:
Presence — amid the exchange, being willing to give of our attention
Gratitude — intentionally evoking appreciation for the exchange
Discernment — recognizing the absence of an energy of continuation, or the experience of completeness
Non-attachment — releasing and feeling trust in the completion
Friendliness — wishing the other well on their own journey
In the case of an incomplete connection, we can practice these capacities:
Curiosity — willingness to explore the connection without pre-deciding its function, or expression. Bringing a “don’t know mind.”
Trust — in continually releasing attachment to outcome, trusting that this is in service of an aligned expression of the connection
Play — welcoming a lighthearted exploration with no agenda
In exploring the space between you and another person within a connection, you can learn a lot about yourself, and find rich information about what to do next. We often get ahead of ourselves, and are thinking too far. If all we need to decide is if a connection feels complete or incomplete, we simplify next steps for ourselves, and invite an easeful clarity to support us to either deepen again with this person, or to release them and allocate our attention and energy elsewhere. Play with it!