Practices to Build Confidence

Questions I often hear are, how can I bring love or romance into my life? Or why am I not in a relationship?

Behind these questions there is a hidden fear, or unmet need. The fear is that we are somehow inadequate. The need is to feel confident that we are enough. We want to trust that we are not getting in our own way and are doing our part to prepare for and open to the partnership we seek. And though the answer to the question of “is there more I can do?” changes moment by moment because we change moment by moment, we can instead ask ourselves, how can I operate in alignment with my highest good to receive all that is meant for me? And please (request to higher-self) reveal to me the ways I am not acting in integrity.

There is always more work to do, and at the same time, we are complete and enough now. This is the paradox. We are both works-in-progress and works-of-art at once. Perfection is not a prerequisite to partnership. But personal accountability— the willingness to look at ourselves first in the face of adversity and conflict is paramount. The more we feel enough, the less we need to fill a void. The less we need to fill a void, the more we receive.  

So though we want not to grow complacent in our development, we must also trust we are refining if we are doing the work, and be mindful not to continually open the oven to “check if our cookies are baking”. Confidence is cultivated every time we listen in for what is needed, and take aligned action to address what was known, and then stepping back to trust that we’ve done our part without expecting any result at all.

“The difference between 

longing and knowing is a fine line

separated by trust.

Trust that partnership is arriving

And that this too, here, now, is perfect.”

-Alexandra Ballensweig

What is in control is your mindstate and your experience of the way you hold this question. Read our piece How is Your Dating Life, Really? To take a look at the heart/mindstate from which you’re dating.

Practices to build trust and confidence 

Get clear on your why

Why do I want partnership? 

Start with a free flowing reflection on all of the reasons. Then revisit this with an intentional lens to see which reasons resonate with you and which don’t. Invite yourself to release any judgment, and or shame that arises as you review your why. Release the reasons that no longer resonate as many of them may have been inherited from family, society, or past versions of ourselves looking to keep us safe.

Step into gratitude

What aspects of life today had I aspired to at another point? Look at what you have, and how you are. Consider the ways you’ve grown, how you respond to situations, the relationships in your life. 

Shift your electromagnetic field to build confidence

Beyond mental and heart centered reflections, we can practice ancient technologies like Yoga, to work quickly to shift our experience by working on our physical body, and energy bodies. Sat Kriya is a kundalini yoga technique that rhythmically stimulates the third chakra, our solar plexus, which is our center of willpower, and confidence. This practice cultivates an internal fire, and supports the alignment of the other chakras to bring us into balance. Practice for 5 minutes, and rest laying down for 5 minutes after each day.

Please find this video to practice Sat Kriya.

Disclaimer: You should consult your physician or other health care professional before attempting Sat Kriya, or any other yogic practices to determine if it is right for your needs.